Bitter Memories

I looked at her as if I were staring at a stranger, years we had spent together and I didn’t recognize the girl sitting next to me. I never wanted a big “fifteen” birthday party but my aunt, her mom, had convinced my mom to throw the party together so that they could afford it and so that her daughter could have a big birthday party. This horrible day was the moment  I knew me and her would never be the same.

I grew up in an apartment duplex on the north side of Chicago, we lived on the second floor and my cousin and her parents on the first floor. Her name was…Daisy and she was like a sister to me, we were stuck together like glue. She was my best friend…my only friend.

I wasn’t popular in school, the girls would trade me and me do things like if I were a toy, and the boys were confused when I showed them my Pokemon cards. You see I didn’t know “girl things” because I didn’t have a sister, just brothers. The only girl my age that I was close to was Daisy and she didn’t have any siblings at all. I think we went together so well because we were both a little off from the normal. I didn’t do the things the girls in my school did. I watched Digimon, Zoids, Gundam, Pokemon, and traded the few dolls I had for Legos. Later when I got older I traded my Legos for a TV screen and a remote shooting at spaceships in StarFox.

The girls would constantly talk about Spanish soap operas and the boys had never seen a girl that liked the stuff that they liked. So they kept their distance from me and I stayed quiet and kept to myself. And that’s just how things were, that’s how I always was.

The year I started third grade I moved to the south side, and hour away from Daisy, we would call each other on the phone but the phone calls slowly turned into none and the visits became rare. I was so used to having her around, and I had accepted the fact that she would be the only friend I needed. I didn’t get sad that I was an outsider at school, because I had my best friend waiting for me at home getting ready to share a laugh or a milkshake. Sometimes it was both when her dad would get a gallon of milk and just start shaking with it like a mad man. But I would soon have to learn how to live without all those wonderful things.

Switching schools was the worst I didn’t know anyone at all and kids can be cruel. I had a girl tell me straight up that she  didn’t want to share scissors with me even though it was only to cut a piece of paper real quick. I sat there ripping the paper with my hands slowly making sure I wasn’t off the lines. I went back to keeping to myself, and made sure I didn’t approach people unless I absolutely had to. The few friends I did and up making moved away without telling me and the ones that stayed made it clear they weren’t really my friends at all.

The older I got the worse things got…so much worse.

Several things happened, things I don’t like talking about because if I could I would erase them from my memory for ever in an instant. I had cousins that lived behind my house one of them being a teenage boy at the moment. He liked playing “Hide and Seek” and would always hide with me for his own sinister reasons. To this day I don’t know why I didn’t tell anyone, I should’ve, but my mom noticed it when she found blood on my clothes. I stopped playing the game and he never forced me to, it doesn’t justify what he did, but I was just glad it was over. While girls were going crazy over boys in school I was perfectly fine not having any boy touch me, and even when I finally did have a boyfriend it took me a while to get comfortable.

Things didn’t get any easier with time, my grandmother later passed away tearing my family apart. I rarely visited relatives after that and school turned into my own personal hell.

I was bullied by girl who had the whole 8th grade students against me, her group made sure I was never comfortable in a classroom. Calling me names, laughing at me, clearly talking shit in front of me to anyone sitting with me. I just wanted to leave grade school I didn’t want to see anyone from that school ever again. The girl left threatening voice mails on my phone and that’s when my parents stepped in and made things worse. I don’t think there was a night that I didn’t cry myself to sleep.

I don’t blame Daisy for changing, she grew up fast and surrounded her self with snobby girls that didn’t like me and were very superficial. She’s…sick now. I don’t know the details since I don’t talk to relatives, but I know there’s been several times where shes been in the hospital with life threatening circumstances. I may not talk to her or get a long with her friends but I would never wish anything bad upon her, and I hope she can live a happy normal life with many joyous moments. Because when you love someone you want to see them smile even if you can’t be a part of it.

Growing up was hard but everyone has their own struggles, mine aren’t any special, and at this point they were only beginning.

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