The Old Man

My older brother can be difficult to decipher, he’s not a man of many words. He prefers to keep to himself when it comes to personal things such as his daughter or girlfriend. He rather have a conversation about the latest updates to his favorite video games. I think he’s always been like that for as long as I can remember.

When we were little we used to live in an apartment right above my cousin I would go over and play with her all the time but when we moved away to our own house I stopped having a girl to play with. So, I would play with my brothers. We would mostly play video games. My brother with lead me and my younger brother in the direction of what games to play or ask for. He would ask for the Xbox my younger brother would ask for an extra controller and I would ask for a game. He would pick out how we would ask Santa for our Christmas gifts. I think because he was the eldest he was always a leader, he likes control over a situation. That’s why when we still play he is still leading the group.

This is something I don’t know how to feel about. I tried to branch out and play in another group and I tried bringing in new players into the group with my brother but as soon as I mentioned it he declined. He said he didn’t know those people and that he wanted people he knew were good, I told him he wouldn’t know unless he found out. He shut me out and said if I wanted to play with those people I could make my own group then.  That’s when I stopped caring who was in the “Xbox group”. It didn’t matter what my opinions where he had last say in the end. He’s very hypocritical in that way, one moment he’s ordering us around and the next he says he doesn’t understand why he’s leader and that he doesn’t want to be. You see the coworkers in this group won’t play together unless my brother is playing too, I would try and get the group to play without him and they all say no. When I told him this he insisted he didn’t understand why. He also talks about how he wants more players for the group so I tell him about the players I played with and he says no.

I love my brother, I really do, after all he practically raised me while my parents were working. He looked after me and for that I will forever be grateful. However, my brother tends to bring some one down based on their own likes. For example, I used to love singing all the time but after hearing him tell me constantly that I’m not good at singing to shut up, I stopped, I was scared of being judged again. I couldn’t grow up doing regular girl things because he would judge me and tell me I’m doing the most. That’s why I didn’t like dressing like a girl, or wearing makeup, listen to lame Disney channel music, or watch girly shows. Any move I did I feared judgement.  Growing up I stopped caring what he thought as much, I found it easier to be myself when he moved out.

My brother isn’t all bad though, he can be a nice guy. He keeps his word, noble man at the end. He’s owed me money quite a couple times and I don’t mean like twenty bucks I mean a good chunk of money and he always pays me back. I see how he is with my niece and how my niece is with him, I can tell he’s a good father. Despite having an on and off relationship with the mom, he makes sure being a father is his number one priority.

I don’t think him and the mom of the baby will be together forever, to be honest I give them another at most two to three years and even then, I feel like that’s pushing it for them. They became parents much to young at a time when both of them needed a lot of maturing and because of that they are stuck acting childish throwing fits at one another. I don’t believe my brother is all in the right, I’m not picking sided between the two. I am however, on my niece’s side. I don’t want to see her growing up seeing her parents argue and think that’s normal, that’s why I rather just have them split up that way she can see both her parents happy. Of course, I would love to see them together and happy, I’m not hoping they split up but I the way things are going I don’t think that’s very possible. I just want to see my brother and niece happy.

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